i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
