while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
