Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
