would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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