Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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