did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
