wanna go halves on a baby?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
