marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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