But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
