it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
