some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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