I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
