Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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