Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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