Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
