Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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