im six kinds of drunk right now
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
