Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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