Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
