I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
