Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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