Ketchup is God's man juice
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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