dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
