he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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