I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
