I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
