it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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