a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
