i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
