Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
