she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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