guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
