Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We left an ass print on the piano.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
