I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
