I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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