he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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