I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
