we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
