Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
