i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
