dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
