i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
