and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
