I seem to have left my pride at pride
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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