how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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