In the future we'll all be gay
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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