dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
