I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
