I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
