so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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