it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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