Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
