I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
