**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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