haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
