is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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