I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
