If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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