I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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