Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
