Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
