It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
