I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
