Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
