his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I want her autograph on my taint
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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