just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
