If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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