He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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